I couldn’t sleep again.

“I’m falling apart,” I thought to myself.

I had always been a willing participant in what eventually felt like a lifelong rat race. I worked hard in school, graduated with honors from Vanderbilt, went on to be a Fulbright scholar and then launched my career at 23 years old at Google. Years later, I had done an equally good job of moving up the ranks as I had basing my entire self-worth on those corporate achievements.

That is why, when I learned about a pay gap in my salary, I took it as a direct reflection of my human worth.

I felt lost and embarrassed. How could I be so unaware of my (quite literal) lesser value? I was crushed to learn I was contributing to Latinas having the largest pay gap of all women in the U.S. It was a realization that came to change my life by challenging all of the assumptions I’d made about myself over the years: that I was smart, witty, and ahead of the game (whatever that means).

“Maybe it was a mistake,” I replayed silently in my head as I tried to doze off.   

Soon, I was living in an endless loop of repetitive days and sleepless nights spent laying in bed worrying about my future. I saw the effects of stress-binging on my waistline and watched in horror as my skin regressed to the flares of cystic acne that marred my teenage years. After a particularly memorable spurt of rebellion against “society,” I ended up with bleached tips and some weird bangs l spent weeks trying to tame before settling for a permanent bun that would sweep my hair out of my face and out of public existence for months.

For six months, I tried taking melatonin, adding sprints to my workouts, using all-natural and over-the-counter skin remedies, and eating a vegan diet. While I saw some minor improvements, none of these secured the coveted night’s sleep my repetitive thoughts had managed to obliterate.

In a last-ditch effort, I decided to heed my best friend’s advice and just smoke some weed.

In technical terms, I vaporized a cannabis wax concentrate that delivers the benefits of the plant while removing the elements I found unpleasant: the smoking, the smell, and the paraphernalia I had mistakenly written off as strictly for “stoners.”

I steered clear of all substances through high school and only tried cannabis a handful of times before my canna-wakening in 2016. I wasn’t against it. I just didn’t know about it, need it, or want it. But I started warming up to it after discovering that the immediate benefits of vaping cannabis were, in short, incredible.

I started sleeping through the night again and regained my bounce during my morning workouts. My skin recovered and, over time, the combination of an improved diet, sleep, and vaping improved my skin to its best state ever. When I vaped, I never felt the need to drink alcohol, so I inadvertently cut the excess calories that come along with a millenial New Yorker’s social life.
 

Most importantly, when my mind skewed positive, my hurt heart and weary ego wouldn’t get in the way. It was like I was relearning to be happy.

By mastering the art of microdosing and the various types of CBD, I was able to incorporate vaping into different facets of my life from sleeping through the night and calming social anxiety at dinner parties, to relieving muscle pain during marathon recovery.

People in my life marveled when my skin improved but were most excited to see my confidence resurface and my explosively stressful nature subside. I have made many strides since I started incorporating cannabis into my wellness routine, but most notably, I have learned how to walk my way out of the dark thoughts that would often lead to crushing anxiety about my future.

One year and one promotion after I found out about my pay gap, my compensation finally evened out. There were likely many factors that caused my salary to stagnate. I took advantage of rotational programs, had numerous manager and team changes, and in the middle of all that movement, I did not make the necessary push for higher bumps. While it took a deep emotional toll at the time, it was truly the learning experience of a lifetime.

These days, I am more sure than ever that despite the setbacks, everything is going to be great.

I eventually decided to leave behind my career in corporate tech to build a life doing what I enjoy. To that end, I’m working on becoming a certified personal trainer, a full-fledged cannabis expert, and the newest entrant in the nascent marijuana industry!

Stay tuned to be a part of the adventure and learn how to use cannabis and CBD products to improve YOUR wellness routine and conquer insomnia, gymtimidation, and more.

ABRAZOS!

-Cyntivee